Day 7. What To Say We all talk about the bad things people say to us but we rarely focus on the good that people say to us. Share a tip for those who don’t have any idea on what to say. Write it down – photograph it.

My universal tip would be - If you don't know what to say - "I am sorry for your loss, would you like to tell me about him/her" Its much easier than trying to navigate the potential minefield of wrong things to say. On a personal level though, I have this message for my friends and family (you know which ones you are).

 

Valerie

xxx

Day 6. What Not To Say Have you had something terrible said to you in the wake of your loss, write it on a piece of paper – photograph it – vent it.

Since we first knew the pregnancy was in difficulty I have heard all manner of awful things said to myself and other women (and men) in our position. Some things have made me upset and some have shocked me. It was difficult to choose one thing to write down, so here are few others as well - "Ah well, at least you weren't further along" - "It wasn't planned anyway though was it" - "It would probably have been deformed" - You are too old for babies" - "You are too young for babies" - "You can always try again" - "At least you have other children" - "It's God's way of weeding out the weak" - "It wasn't really a baby yet". 

NONE OF THESE THINGS WILL TAKE THE PAIN OF LOSING A BABY AWAY - And neither will -

Valerie

xxx

Day 5. Memorial This could be anything you have had done in memory of your baby/ies/child/ren. It could be their plaque at the cemetery or a tree that has been planted in their memory, anything at all.

We had some of Ellie Rose's ashes placed under a rose bush for the garden. We knew we would be moving house (which we have done now) so we opted for a potted rose rather planting strraight into the ground. We don't have much space in the new garden but we have tried to pretty it up the best we can.

 

Photos From The Old Garden HERE

Valerie

xxx

Day 4. Most Treasured Item Something that relates to your baby/ies/child/ren. Maybe it is their hand and foot prints or a photograph. Whatever it is we would love to see it.

 

We had a private cremation for Ellie Rose, although the hospital offered to do it (they do a mass cremation for the babies who do not survive beyond 24 weeks of pregnancy should the parents wish it). We had a sprinkle of her ashes put into a flower pot which now holds a Rose bush in the garden, and another sprinkle was put into a satin bag, kept here in the box/casket in the picture. We keep her casket on the fireplace mantel at the foot of our bed. 

Valerie

xxx

 Day 3. After Loss Self Portrait Share a photo of you after your loss.

This is me sitting on my bed on Friday 27th April. We were waiting for my Mum to arrive to take care of Oscar before we left for the hospital, for induction/medical management of miscarriage. We knew that the baby had already died but she was still inside me and as sad as it is I wanted one last photo. I couldnt look at the camera, but I am glad I have this photo anyway, even if she was already gone.

Valerie

xxx

'Share A Photo Of You Before Your Loss'

 

This photo was taken back in March when I was a teeny tiny bit pregnant, but not even aware of it yet. Since we were 'trying' for a baby I was hoping I was pregnant. If I was to give this a title I would call it 'Unaware'

Valerie

xxx

October is Infant loss awareness month, so I will be taking part in Carly Marie's 'Capturing Your Grief This October 2012 for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month'

Please visit Carly's website for more details CARLY MARIE PROJECT HEAL

DAY 1 - Sunrise