On April 27th 2012, I went to hospital and delivered a baby girl. A tiny baby girl who had died in pregnancy. Our hearts ached for her and Duncan and I both grieved for what might have been and what never came to pass.
During my journey into The Church Of Jesus Christ LDS, it was inevitable that our baby, Ellie Rose, would come up in the conversation. A select few people have told me that I am over-dramatising an early loss (although Ellie Rose had died, my body continued with the pregnancy and eventually I was induced into labour), and it was just a miscarriage and I should "get over it".
Here is what the Church has to say about our early existence.
" Your life didn’t begin at birth and it won’t end at death. Before you came to earth, your spirit lived with Heavenly Father who created you. You knew Him, and He knew and loved you. It was a happy time during which you were taught God’s plan of happiness and the path to true joy. But just as most of us leave our home and parents when we grow up, God knew you needed to do the same. He knew you couldn’t progress unless you left for a while. So he allowed you to come to earth to experience the joy—as well as pain—of a physical body.One thing that makes this life so hard sometimes is that we’re out of God’s physical presence. Not only that, but we can’t remember our pre-earth life which means we have to operate by faith rather than sight. God didn’t say it would be easy, but He promised His spirit would be there when we needed Him. Even though it feels like it sometimes, we’re not alone in our journey."
I can not express what a comfort this has been to me, especially as we approached the anniversary of our loss. I had felt the spirit of my baby every step of the way. We knew she was in difficulty for several weeks, and each week we went and saw a little heart beating on the sonogram and each week we marvelled at what a little fighter she must be, until sadly one week, after many many weeks of hoping, there was no heart beat to be found. To say she was "just a miscarriage" was cruel at best.
Of course, it is not just the issue of 'if' a baby lost in pregnancy, is really a life, but also, what happens to that little soul when they depart.
Much to my utter sadness, some religions believe that anyone who has not recieved baptism before death, regardless of age, will not enter into Gods Kingdom. That can't be right can it?
Teachings of Joseph F. Smith (founder of The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Later Day Saints)
Little children who pass away before they are accountable are redeemed.
With little children who are taken away in infancy and innocence before they have reached the years of accountability, and are not capable of committing sin, the gospel reveals to us the fact that they are redeemed, and Satan has no power over them. Neither has death any power over them. They are redeemed by the blood of Christ, and they are saved just as surely as death has come into the world through the fall of our first parents. …
… Our beloved friends who are now deprived of their little one, have great cause for joy and rejoicing, even in the midst of the deep sorrow that they feel at the loss of their little one for a time. "
I will admit, it is difficult to have 'joy', but for now, I can settle with the comfort that my precious little baby is safely back with her Heavenly Father.
I know many people wont agree, but honesly, I feel the alternative is just too grim to be part of God's plan for us.
"Regardless of what you do or don’t have in this life, your deepest, most lasting happiness will come from knowing God’s plan and following it."
* All photo's from Ellie Rose's memorial garden
Valerie
