I suppose its the turning of another birthday and the end of the year approaching that has made me somewhat reflective this last wee while.
There is no denying that there have been some HUGE changes in my life this year, and the truth is, they were long over due. Loosing my Dad in January 2009 and giving birth to Oscar in February 2009, loosing my Grandma in April 2010, loosing our baby Ellie Rose in April 2012 and almost loosing my Mum in October 2012 have marked out life altering events which were completely outwith my control (Oscar was planned of course, but how he came, when he came and who he would turn out to be were all unknowns).
I think it was time for me to seek out control over my own life and to try and make sense of the tumultuous highs of joy and depths of sorrow that most of us feel in our lifetimes.
I knew that 'faith' was something I had craved, although I was to find that I had already a considerable amount of faith un-exercised within me. I never for a moment predicted my faith leading me to the LDS church, or how far reaching into my life these changes would be.
This isn't another post about how great my church is (although it is great). I really just wanted to talk about the mundane but often highlighted elements of being a Latter Day Saint.
Food And Drink
The thing that most people know about us, no tea, coffee, or alcohol. This was probably the one thing I had to give up. I very very rarely drank coffee, and when I did it was more milk and sugar than coffee, but I did drink (brown) tea every day, about 4 to 6 cups I would guess at. I thought this was going to be a hard one for me, but then a new church friend put me on to Redbush Tea (or Rooibos Tea), which is an acceptable alternative to brown or green tea. The first time I tasted it, I wasn't sure, but now, I don't even think about it, and in fact I am so used to the taste that I have wondered on a couple of occasions if Duncan has given me 'normal' tea by accident (we keep some for guests who are not in the church). Of course we also have a huge choice of herbal teas, all acceptable in the church and the often joked about Mormon 'tell', hot chocolate.
As for giving up the booze, well its not been an issue either. I had a glass of wine with dinner (ironically), on Easter Sunday and that was my last drop. To be totally honest, Duncan and I did our fair share (and probably then some) of drinking when we first met in the 1990's when he was a musician and I was an art student. Having Oscar changed all of that for us. We had to be seen by fertility specialists to get pregnant with Oscar, and so I was off alcohol from long before my pregnancy. Since we opted to co-sleep, alcohol was also a no no, and that being the case (after 6 to 7 years of very occasional drinking), it has had no impact on my life at all.
On the food front, the Doctrine also has some wisdom to impart.
12 Yea, a flesh also of b beasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used c sparingly;
Well, again, we were pretty much with this one already. I don't think I will ever be vegetarian or vegan, but long before joining the church I would have periods of no meat consumption, because basically I don't believe its particularly healthy to stuff ourselves silly with it (imagine my surprise to read the Lord agreed with me, or is that the other way round haha).
Dress Code
" Some Latter-day Saints may feel that modesty is a tradition of the Church or that it has evolved from conservative, puritanical behavior. Modesty is not just cultural. Modesty is a gospel principle that applies to people of all cultures and ages. In fact, modesty is fundamental to being worthy of the Spirit. To be modest is to be humble, and being humble invites the Spirit to be with us. "
I have been told often that my dress sense is a bit weird. My corporate working sister told me she would never wear clothes like mine (in a non offensive way), and an old boss of mine said she suspected I was 'arty'. The old adage, some things will never change applies in principle here. I am a bit of a hippy who has a liking for black eyeliner and a bit of glitter. Modesty in practical terms (as taught to our youth, and asked to be a lifelong standard), means (for women, men have their own standards), skirts knee length or longer, tops with sleeves (short or capped are fine, just not strappy), and not low cut or showing the midriff. Trousers are fine apart from at church or temple visits and all clothing should not be too loud or alluding to non-conformity or rebellion.
I guess that might be a tall order for the young teens in the church, and I expect that some of the kids test the boundaries just as much as teenage non members test their own (parental or societal) boundaries. Being totally open and honest, I think that my weight and my perception of self imposes far more restrictions on what I think I can and cant wear than the church ever could. I try hard not to be down on myself when it comes to how I look, but I cant seem to help it, and so it spills over into what I think I can or should wear.
I don't have any body piercings any more although at one time I did have 7 not including my ears (you can figure that out on your own). They were all taken out years ago before Oscar was born. I do have 2 tattoos, with no plans to remove them, because honestly, I like them. I can live with it that I wont get another one though, and since there was 12 years between the 1st and the 2nd its hardly a compulsion needing to be curbed.
Smoking
8 And again, tobacco is not for the a body, neither for the belly, and is not good for man, but is an herb for bruises and all sick cattle, to be used with judgment and skill.
I am the most annoying ex-smoker ever. I smell it at 100 miles away and it makes me want to throw up. I smoked on and off (mostly on) from the age of 16, and I finally quit when I was 38, over 6 years ago. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do and so I am glad I had already faced that hurdle when it came to joining the church.
Am I putting you off the church with the 'rules'? The truth is, these things are directly from our Father In Heaven, they are His standards, not the 'church's' standards.
Really, He is saying, be healthy and look after your body.in the way it deserves. I have no problem with that.
The irony is not lost on me that by conforming I am actually making myself (and my family) 'different' from the majority of people. I don't expect it will be plain sailing all the way, it never is.
How I really want to end this post is by saying these 3 things -
- .I might be different, but I am still the same. In fact I am the same but better, not a better person, but I feel better, happier, more peaceful, more fulfilled, more full of joy.
- I don't judge you because you are not the same as me. It took me 43 years to get to this place, and if you are in your happy place, I salute you, wherever that place may be.
- The love I have for my Savior far out weighs anything I have had to give up. My heart is so full I can sometimes scarcely believe it. Its not a fair trade, often I feel that I should be giving so much more.
Valerie
xxx
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