This Time

This time last year, I had a miscarriage. To be honest, I was not really thinking about it too much. I knew when it was, because it was a couple of weeks before my birthday, but I hadn't really equated it to this week. A chance encounter with a stranger at a bus stop, was what reminded me. The nice lady began talking about last year at this time, and for a moment I was a bit blank, then she started chatting about the snow storms which swept the country (leaving much of Britain at a standstill). That's when I remembered. Three trips to hospital. The first trip going hopefully to get a scan picture of a little peanut, only to be told things weren't as they should be, and 2 more trips to make sure my miscarriage was progressing (my body was holding on to things). Only a few buses were running and the snow was banked so high up the pavements walking was impossible. Even though my body was slowly letting go of the baby, the morning sickness was still horrendous and knowing full well I would have to wait an eternity, I had to get off one bus to be sick and then have Duncan hold me up until the next one came.

Its amazing how quickly these thoughts can fly through your head as a nice old lady chats about gritters and sledges. Its also amazing how quickly a year can pass by while life carries on. Still a family of 5, we may never be a family of 6.

As predicted, Oscar dropped off in the pushchair in town(its going to be a late one).

And when I got home I realised I was wearing fertility beads.

Oscar had found them on a dusty shelf and made me wear them, saying they were his present to me, for our getting married (him and me). I expect he will get an extra few Mama squeezes today.