It has been just over 15 weeks since we said goodbye to our baby. I cant believe the time has been so short, I keep having to count it up over and over. I have not said a lot about Ellie Rose lately, because I dont really know what to say. What I mean is, I don't have anything new to say. I (we) mourne for her and I mourne for a pregnancy that should be big and round by now.
On Facebook the other day, a friend had linked to THIS story and there were comments left marveling at how brave it was for Gary Barlow to perform in public so soon after his baby girl Poppy was stillborn. The truth is though, and my friend agreed, it doesnt always get easier a few weeks down the road. Sometimes it is much more difficult to cope, once the shock has worn off and you have to face up to the reality of it.
We wisely put Ellie's ashes into a potted rose bush container, because we were fairly sure we would be moving house at one point, and would want to take her with us (although I also have some in a wooden box in my bedroom). Her little garden looks bleak today and thats how I feel about it all right now, just bleak. I am hoping that by next spring and summer there will be other pots of brightly coloured flowers and bushes all around her and I wont feel so sad when I stand at the kitchen sink and gaze out.
Valerie
xxx
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