Capturing Your Grief - Project Heal - Link
Capture Your Grief this October 2012 for Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month
Day 28. Memory Share one of your most significant memories on this journey of grief, it can be a positive or negative memory.
This is a blog post I wrote back in May this year, right after Ellie Rose was gone. In amongst some truly awful memories, this one also stands out.
"
Before Ellie Rose died, and I know that for sure because we had an ultrasound after, I had a dream. In the dream Duncan and I were walking through our town centre. The town centre has been hugely modernised lately, but in the dream it was the town centre of my childhood. It looked exactly as it did in the 1970s. I was carrying our baby in my arms in the dream, I don't know if she was dead or alive, but she was wrapped in a hospital towel instead of a blanket. Duncan was walking ahead and making me hurry because he was late for work and stressing about it. I kept saying we had to find a shop to buy the baby a blanket because she was born too soon and we didn't even have a blanket to wrap her in. (yes the baby was a 'she' in the dream).
For the rest of my life I will never know if my body had sent my mind a signal of what was unfolding, or if this was a natural pregnancy anxiety dream. Some days I wonder if I will find out the answer after my life.
I cast on a pure wool blanket a few days later and kept it safely for the baby. I figured that since she was ok (heart beating at the ultrasound following the dream), I was being silly making it so early.
When we brought Ellie home she was in a little white box. When we went to bed on the first night Duncan wrapped the box in the blanket and brought her to our bedroom.
That's all I have to say about it really."
Valerie
xxx
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