People are always saying how chilled out Duncan and I are. I suppose it is relative. Since Oscar came along I have noticed that Duncan tends to be more prone to freak-outs, or rather, over-reactions. He is a loving father who leaps off the chair at the first sign of a fall or a scrape. I am a bit more laid back about it, possibly having been through hundreds of scrapes with the older 2 children (Duncan and I moved in together when the older 2 were 8 and 10).
Since the baby died I wonder if people even see any duality in me (Duncan does of course because we discuss it). Part of me is saying, 'come on girl, pull your socks up, make a million plans and keep busy'. And at the same time I want to lie in bed all day in a tear stained nightgown (dramatic much?).
I have been pushed out of the house amongst strangers this past week because Oscar has started nursery (and somehow found myself in a staff / parent meeting to discuss the upcoming events, Diamond Jubilee, End of Year parade with floats and Olympic themed sports day). Part of me wanted to hide in my coat and not be spoken to or noticed at all. Another part of me wanted to stand on my chair and shout, 'my baby died 3 weeks ago you know'. I didnt do either, I nodded and smiled and said yes in the vote for crown making kits as opposed to chocolate gifts.
I expect if we could see inside other people's heads it would be a truly terrifying experience.
Still, nursery is going well.
Valerie
xxx
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