"A star falls from the sky and into your hands. Then it seeps through your veins and swims inside your blood and becomes every part of you. And then you have to put it back into the sky. And it's the most painful thing you'll ever have to do and that you've ever done. But what's yours is yours. Whether it’s up in the sky or here in your hands. And one day, it'll fall from the sky and hit you in the head real hard and that time, you won't have to put it back in the sky again.”
― C. JoyBell C.
Things Have To Change
: : It's been 4 days since Ellie's ... birth? death? delivery? miscarriage? I am reading about loss, thinking about loss, talking about loss (only with Duncan). I feel if I stop thinking about it for a minute I will make a space for the feelings to seep in and they will drown me. I never knew it would be like this. I am so focused on finding ways to deal with it, I don't have to actually deal with it. Is that normal?
My breasts hurt more than any non-pregnant woman who doesnt have a newborn to distract her, should ever have to endure. I forgot how painful breasts can be.
I am afraid of other people. I normally try so hard to be 'even' or at least sarcastically funny, I just don't think I have it in me right now. Emails are a godsend, the only person I have verbally spoken to outside the house is my Mum : :
Valerie
xxx
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