Monday, 16 April 2012

The Past Week

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9 006


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Anyone who has been in my situation (and I know quite a few people who have been reading this, have been), will know how difficult life is for us right now.  I am just over 2 months pregnant now, or am I? As I said to Duncan last night, the baby may have died already (since last Tuesdays scan), and we don't even know it. Or even worse, since I am still bleeding (and passing small clots occasionally), the baby may have passed out without my knowledge. I don't know if that is possible at 9 weeks, I would know wouldn't I? I don't know who can answer that question, or indeed the hundreds of other questions I/we have unanswered.

The midwife has booked a place on the ward for me for next Friday. That's in case the baby has died (scan on Thursday) and hasn't passed. I will get some pills and they will cut off the pregnancy hormones and start contractions. I understand that lingering would be very distressing but I don't know if I will be ready for bad news on Thursday and then say goodbye on Friday. The bed is booked so I have the option, sometimes there is a 2 week wait for the 'medical management of miscarriage'.

So that's where we are. I cant go out in case something happens when I am out. I shouldnt lift things or do exerting housework or take too hot baths or get stressed. I need to put off Oscar's nursery because he should start today and I cant take him (and there is no-one else to take him, and even if there was, it would be his first day today and thats my job).  I have back pain, period cramp-like pains some of the time and morning sickness the rest of the time, and I am so so tired. 

Its not the type of pregnancy updates I had hoped to be giving, but it is what it is.




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