Typical Behavior?

I feel like I should apologise for another ramble about my precarious pregnancy, because if its not your pregnancy I suppose its fairly dull reading.

On the other hand, I may not be pregnant for very much longer, and there is a high incidence of this being my very last pregnancy, whether the outcome be good or bad. 

In some ways I have felt this is a shameful secret I have to keep, I am pregnant but its not going well, and heavens did I dare mention bleeding and baby-loss, how awful.

As far as I know, I am still pregnant today, and for that I am truely thankful. When I read THIS POST by Debs back in February I thought it was very brave of her to share her feelings. But as she says at the end of her post, its about time the stigma and shame and taboo was lifted from women in my/our situation.

Each night the bleeding stops. I spend most mornings thinking maybe that's it, the bleeding has stopped for good.  Around lunchtime each day, it starts again, I bleed until mid evening (sometimes spots, sometimes more), then it stops again until the next day. I don't know why, the midwife doesn't know why.

I have a right sided sharp pain which starts just before the bleeding each day and is there intermittently until the bleeding stops later at night. I don't know why. The midwife had a good look on the scan (at my ovary in particular) and cant see a reason for it.

Other than that...........

I have morning sickness (and evening sickness), and my boobs are tender and I am tired and sensitive to smells. Good signs? Not necessarily, it can take up to 4 weeks for pregnancy symptoms to go away after a pregnancy has ended. It can take up to 4 weeks for a woman's body to release the baby after it has died (sometimes longer). These are facts I wish I had never needed to know. My tummy is round and bloated and I look pregnant especially in the evenings.

We have had to switch back to the old and more comfortable double bed (boo-hoo goodbye superking size), because I cant get comfy.  In many ways,  I am exerting typical pregnancy behavior, and honestly I would put up with it day and night if it means our baby is going to make it.

We have planted Roses and violets in the garden and tomatoes in pots on the window ledges.  I have spent too much on Ebay (sofa bound ladies are a danger to themselves), and I have started knitting baby hats and booties to sell in order to recoup some of the money I have spent on Ebay (details soon). Oscar has been in the house out the house in the house out the house in time with the weather and frankly the little guy has been very accepting of things being what they are.  I don't watch all that much TV so I have been reading blogs and planning menu's (in my non sicky moments).

I don't cry all that much because I don't know whether I should be crying, it seems disloyal to cry right now, perhaps the little bean is in there doing away ok? What a complicated thing life is, new life being no exception. Is there such a thing as typical anyway.